Jen Psaki and Marie Harf - State Dept. Spokesbimboes
Robert "Big Boy Burgers" Gibbs - Press Sec. to Obamanero
Jay "Howdy Doody" Carney - Press Sec. to Obamanation
Josh (The Importance of Being) Earnest - Press Sec. to Obamacles
Notice any similarities?
All five of these people are squeaky clean-looking white people who utterly lack gravitas, or a sense of personal power.
The puffy tedium of their faces screams, "Ignore me. I couldn't possibly have anything of importance to say."
In an Administration where important jobs are occupied by people who look like this,
one has to wonder why every spokesperson Obama chooses is the white equivalent of Steve Urkel, or some gay black TV Weather Man for a local evening news broadcast?
I started to notice this phenomenon right away, early in the Obama Administration. Watching Robert Gibbs' always befuddled appearance, I couldn't help think to myself, "Why would Obama, who is so conscious of image, choose this guy to speak for him day after day?"
Robert Gibbs looks like he couldn't convince his own mother to let him stay out 15 minutes later, much less convince American citizens of the merits of complex policy decisions.
And then, when Gibbs resigned, Obama doubled-down with Jay Carney. Carney's lack of charisma comes complete with a name seemingly chosen by some malicious trickster god to mock him into submission.
But Jay won't submit, no. Jay is too tough for that.
"My Mommy Doesn't Love Me Anymore"
And then, against all reason, Obama tripled down, appointing a third straight assclown, this time with the surrealistically ironic name of Josh Earnest.
It's as if Obama is taunting us at this point.
But to what end?
I always wondered if Obama - (who seems to ascribe to that conspiratorial, Jeremiah Wright school of White Devil History, in which caucasians have cruelly and repeatedly told the Black Man he was equal only to set him up for humiliating defeat) - might have decided to get back at the White Man by sticking the most ineffectual and useless-looking white people he could find out in front, to defend the policies of an Administration whose policies are completely indefensible.
But likely it is I who is being conspiratorial in my thinking.
I floated my idea to my wife this evening, and she responded, "No, I think it's much simpler than that. Obama hires people like that because that's just who Obama believes his audience is."
"What? Stupid white people?" I asked.
It might help you to know two things about my wife:
1) She is not white.
2) She fundamentally dislikes Obama far more than someone like myself.
I still think there must be some truth to my darker musings, however.
I'd be interested to hear what others think and have thought over the past few years, as you watch these Spokefools twaddle their way through Press Conference after Press Conference.
EXTRA BONUS POINTS: