BREAKING: 2ND OBAMA APOLOGY TOUR ANNOUNCED!

• REMEMBER OBAMA'S FIRST APOLOGY TOUR!?

• THAT WAS A WORLDWIDE COLOSSAL SELLOUT!

• SO NOW... "THE ONE" IS TAKING THE SHOW... BACK TO THE USA!
  

• THAT'S RIGHT, COMRADES, OBAMA IS GOING TO VISIT EACH OF OUR 57 STATES!

• AND HE'S GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR ATTACKING POLICEMEN!

OH. SORRY. NEVER MIND.

OBAMA ONLY APOLOGIZES FOR CRIMES HIS PREDECESSORS COMMITTED.

WELL, MAYBE AFTER CONGRESS PASSES A RESOLUTION DEMANDING HE APOLOGIZE, HE'LL OFFER CROWLEY A REAL ONE.