LA City Council Votes To Eliminate Palm Trees For Environmental Reasons

Can you imagine Coca Cola, or McDonald's, deciding to just relinquish their corporate logos? You know, no more Golden Arches, no more curli-cue cursive writing laced into the red and white. Well, the city of Los Angeles has volunteered to do so. The City Council has voted to eliminate the famed fanned palm for which it has become known. When people think of Los Angeles, they think of the palm trees lining the streets, right? Well, no more. And, you're not going to believe the wacky reason for this decision:

For more than a hundred years, the graceful, bushy-topped fan palm has been an iconic symbol of L.A.'s balmy, postcard lifestyle. But city leaders now want to put an end to the tree's reign on the grounds it is bad for the environment. City Council members voted this week to halt the placement of fan palms on parkways, median strips and other city-owned property where nearly 75,000 of them now grow. Instead, the city will plant only sycamores, oaks and other leafy native species that will contribute shade, collect rainwater and release oxygen across the Los Angeles Basin.

The fan palm may be an emblematic part of Los Angeles, but its skimpy canopy is cheating city dwellers of the benefit of real trees since palms "are technically a type of grass and not trees," as a unanimously approved council resolution put it. San Pedro-area Councilwoman Janice Hahn's motion, passed Tuesday, limits future use of palms along city streets unless they are needed to be consistent with existing plantings or are specifically requested by a council office or community group.

If new palms are planted, "fan palms should be discouraged" ... The vote comes as many fan palms planted by developers in the late 19th and early 20th century are entering the last phase of their life span. It also comes as the city is embarking on Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa's ambitious goal to plant 1 million new trees.

Corporations spend billions of dollars to ensure that their logos are recognized on a national and international basis, but the LA City Council has decided that theirs is expendable. There was no public outcry calling for this decision. Clearly, this is just a wacko politician angling for the environmentalist vote. This is among the stupidest decisions in history. Let's see, Pharoah ignores Moses' warnings, France sells the Louisiana territories to America, the Red Sox trade Ruth to the Yankees, Paul McCartney marries Heather Mills, and now this. But, you know what? I am absolutely friggin' ecstatic over this.

The reasoning behind this legislation makes it a damning display of the transcendent stupidity of environmentalist demands in every aspect of life. From "second-hand smoke" to spotted owls, to butterfly wing hurricanes, to global ice age then global warming then global ice age then global warming again, environmentalist philosophy is childish fears and dreams writ large in the adult world. Environmentalists are always positing ecological disasters emanating from the slightest faux pas of mankind, as if when George Bush farts it could cause Hurricane Katrina.

I will enjoy watching the idiots at the LA City Council, as they slowly impale themselves on the spear of this decision. It will take time, but gradually tourism will be affected, revenue will decline and, eventually, business will demand that the palms be reinstated. And then,UCLA students will have another reason to march in the streets against the fascist conservatives who want to wreak havoc on the mother nature by lining the streets of LA with palm trees once again. Yes, I can see it; the New American Revolution will be fought over such issues. "We want alms, not palms. Reinstate the ban on palms that fan."