Sunday, April 01, 2007

A MODEST PROPOSAL: HOW TO REDUCE HUMAN CONTRIBUTION TO ATMOSPHERIC CO2

TO REDUCE MAN-MADE CO2 EMISSIONS, I THINK ALL THE ECO-NUTSIES SHOULD STOP BREATHING. HERE'S WHY:
A HUMAN CONTRIBUTES 1KG/DAY OF CO2 - JUST BY BREATHING. (PEOPLE WHO EXERCISE CONTRIBUTE EVEN MORE.)

IN AN AVERAGE LIFETIME, A PERSON MIGHT CONTRIBUTE 30,000 KG OF CO2 INTO THE ATMOSPHERE.

ABOUT HALF THE USA POPULATION FEELS THAT HUMANS ARE CONTRIBUTING TO MUCH CO2 TO THE ATMOSPHERE - AND THAT THIS CONTRIBUTION "THREATENS CIVILIZATION AND LIFE ON EARTH AS WE KNOW IT."

WELL, THEY COULD REDUCE THE CONTRIBUTION BY 45,000,000,000,000KG (THAT'S TRILLION) OVER THE NEXT CENTURY BY MERELY CEASING TO RESPIRE. AND THEY CAN START RIGHT NOW.

THERE IS NO LEGISLATION NECESSARY. NO TREATY, EITHER. JUST PLAIN OLD DIRECT ACTION. IT'D ACTUALLY CHEAPER THAN BUYING A PRIUS - OR CARBON CREDITS. IT COSTS NOTHING.

AND THERE WOULD ACTUALLY BE FURTHER REDUCTIONS SINCE THESE DEAD PEOPLE WOULDN'T BE BURNING ANY FOSSIL FUELS. IT WOULD SAVE MORE THAN TRILLIONS! MAYBE QUADRILLIONS!
EUTHANASIA OF THE ECO-NUTSIES BY THE ECO-NUTSIES - FOR THE COMMON GOOD, OF COURSE.

THERE'S AN ADDED BENEFIT: THESE DEAD ECO-NUTSIES WILL REDUCE STRESS ON MEDICARE AND SOCIAL SECURITY!

THERE'S ONE BAD BY-PRODUCT: AS THEY DECOMPOSE, THEY'LL GIVE OFF SOME CO2.

I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.

OF COURSE, THE LEFT WOULD NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN. BECAUSE IF IT DID, WHO WOULD BE AROUND TO VOTE FOR HILLARY?

3 comments:

  1. EUTHANASIA OF THE ECO-NUTSIES

    Sounds like the Final Solution, Herr Rippup!

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  2. this is satire; an ode to swift. you are a moron, mr. dunkle - how did you ever graduate from carnegie mellon?

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  3. i think this satire reveals that there are certainly measures to ameliorate so-called "man-made co2" that OBVIOUSLY go to far.

    i think kyoto went to far against the usa and not far enough against india and china. so did 98 senatURDS - including kerry and byrd and hagel.

    i think the EVIDENCE shows that ALL man made co2 is benign and that the sun and cosmic rays and cloud cover are much more responsible for global climate change -- AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, too.

    there fore i think we should take VERY modest measures - voluntary measures - to curb man-made co2.

    if you feel so strongly abvout it, why not jump off the highest building in melbounre florida?

    shit man: you could start an movement and save the planet!!!!!!!

    gore would like that - he'll smile when he thinks abolu8t it from his gulf-stream jet as he jets from one big ENERGY WASTING mansion to another.

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